Johannesburg August 2009

Haven't blogged for a long, long, long time and so now I will for a short time. I've just come back from Johannesburg, which is far, far away down south from London with only a one hour time difference, so no jet lag was partaken of. The flight was an ache of 11 hours on a night flight on South African Airways with no snazzy entertainment system but a screen above the bulk head seats. I didn't get a seat in the bulk head so my legs cramped and complained for most of the flight. The food was good and no one talked to me, which was good. My breath stank of arse. I was picked up by Martin, a huge guy, who was to be our (there was a group of comedians) driver and bodyguard. He drove fast and would have punched anyone who accused him of driving like a maniac. I was taken to my hotel, a five star, splendid building...

I went to my room and tried to sleep, but couldn't really as I was a little buzzy from being in South Africa. I have gigged in Cape Town a few times before but never in a place that had such a reputation of gun crime, car jacking, leopards and elephants. I had the first evening off and met up with the organisers and other comedians - Ahmed Ahmed (US), Angelo Tsarouchas (Canadian), Kitty Flanagan (Australian - met up the next day), Dean Edwards (US) and two local acts, Trevor Noah and David Kibuuka. They were a good bunch of people. The show was in a big Las Vegas Casino kind of complex, a theatre, 1700 people or so. We did a gig every night and two on Friday and Saturday.


The audience laughed. Some nights were better than others, not because they were fuller, but just the nature of the beast. The thing is, however funny I can be, I could never be as funny in South Africa as Trevor Noah. He was funny. He had the South African fame and knowledge that drove his comedy, and the audience stood up in appreciation.
I ate steak more than twice in a week, three times to be exact, and stuffed out on other great food the other nights. The hotel breakfast was huge and Dean Edwards kept ordering eggs. He ate a fuck of a lot of eggs. The breakfast could have kept me going until 5pm, but I ate lunch, then ate Nando's chicken backstage (they were sponsoring the gig), and then we would all go out for some more food and drinks after the gig. I am not fat. I do not know why.
As a group we went to Pilanesberg Game Park and saw 4 out of the big 5... Buffalo, elephant, rhino and leopard (didn't get to see a lion in the wild, but did at the lion park). Here's a leopard a long way away, but through binoculars you could see the beauty quite clearly.


Checked out the Apartheid Museum and went shopping with the strong pound to the weak Rand. I bought a pair of stage shoes (Not at the Apartheid Museum).
I had a great time in Johannesburg. I was told on the flight back that I would get a plane with a good entertainment system. I didn't. I was also told that I would be sitting in the bulk head seats. I didn't. I was put in the row behind. I got back home and the next day had a touch of the flu (not swine flu). It was all worth it, only if it was that I saw I bleedin' leopard in the wild. Oh, and we won the Ashes too.