Johannesburg August 2009

Haven't blogged for a long, long, long time and so now I will for a short time. I've just come back from Johannesburg, which is far, far away down south from London with only a one hour time difference, so no jet lag was partaken of. The flight was an ache of 11 hours on a night flight on South African Airways with no snazzy entertainment system but a screen above the bulk head seats. I didn't get a seat in the bulk head so my legs cramped and complained for most of the flight. The food was good and no one talked to me, which was good. My breath stank of arse. I was picked up by Martin, a huge guy, who was to be our (there was a group of comedians) driver and bodyguard. He drove fast and would have punched anyone who accused him of driving like a maniac. I was taken to my hotel, a five star, splendid building...

I went to my room and tried to sleep, but couldn't really as I was a little buzzy from being in South Africa. I have gigged in Cape Town a few times before but never in a place that had such a reputation of gun crime, car jacking, leopards and elephants. I had the first evening off and met up with the organisers and other comedians - Ahmed Ahmed (US), Angelo Tsarouchas (Canadian), Kitty Flanagan (Australian - met up the next day), Dean Edwards (US) and two local acts, Trevor Noah and David Kibuuka. They were a good bunch of people. The show was in a big Las Vegas Casino kind of complex, a theatre, 1700 people or so. We did a gig every night and two on Friday and Saturday.


The audience laughed. Some nights were better than others, not because they were fuller, but just the nature of the beast. The thing is, however funny I can be, I could never be as funny in South Africa as Trevor Noah. He was funny. He had the South African fame and knowledge that drove his comedy, and the audience stood up in appreciation.
I ate steak more than twice in a week, three times to be exact, and stuffed out on other great food the other nights. The hotel breakfast was huge and Dean Edwards kept ordering eggs. He ate a fuck of a lot of eggs. The breakfast could have kept me going until 5pm, but I ate lunch, then ate Nando's chicken backstage (they were sponsoring the gig), and then we would all go out for some more food and drinks after the gig. I am not fat. I do not know why.
As a group we went to Pilanesberg Game Park and saw 4 out of the big 5... Buffalo, elephant, rhino and leopard (didn't get to see a lion in the wild, but did at the lion park). Here's a leopard a long way away, but through binoculars you could see the beauty quite clearly.


Checked out the Apartheid Museum and went shopping with the strong pound to the weak Rand. I bought a pair of stage shoes (Not at the Apartheid Museum).
I had a great time in Johannesburg. I was told on the flight back that I would get a plane with a good entertainment system. I didn't. I was also told that I would be sitting in the bulk head seats. I didn't. I was put in the row behind. I got back home and the next day had a touch of the flu (not swine flu). It was all worth it, only if it was that I saw I bleedin' leopard in the wild. Oh, and we won the Ashes too.

January 2008

You know what? I'm just going to write about the gigs of the month in a slightly different way. Backwards... nah! Whatever.

I did a charity gig at Up the Creek in Greenwich, organised by the goaty bearded (I think he has) Ben Norris. I haven't stepped inside the Creek for quite a few years - I don't know why really. The Creek always used to scare me somewhat. I don't know why really. It's not a big big room. It could get pretty hairy and scary. It had a reputation for being hairy and scary, but maybe since the demise of Malcolm Hardy it has become softer and cuddlier. The gig was good. The Thai food upstairs is still there, hot and yummy.

Bracknell Arts Centre - always a joy.

Did a couple of nights at Battersea Jongleurs. Nice to go there to see Graham on the sound. He's a funny man.

The month of January was really taken up by the Abnormally Funny People show at the Soho Theatre. We had three days more of rehearsal and then an eight night run. I was co-producing and helping to write the show. It turned out to be a really good, although the first four days was more like previews to get it into shape for the last four days. Unfortunately my dad came to one of these and wasn't too impressed... and so did the Evening Standard man. Luckily we had the Arts Council on the last four day bit, who were mightily impressed and may help to fund a little tour. C'mon, you can do it. The thing is, all the acts on the show were pretty new in the field, and we mixed stand-up with sketches with song. It was a good effort all round. www.abnormallyfunnypeople.com

In between the run I did the Funny Side in Covent Garden - nice gig and a nice chat with Dave Ward.

December 2007 - Digest

N.B. This is my gig blog - click here when you've finished reading to go back to my main website.

Sat 1st - Cardiff Glee

Feisty, but joyful!

Mon 3rd - Watford Jongleurs

Had to go on first - usually get stared at going on first, but didn't. Big laughs. First of many Christmas gigs. Christmas gigs can be hard. If they're as nice as this one I'll have a happy Christmas myself.

Mon 3rd - Rickmansworth

Rushed from Watford to Rickmansworth - it's not far. Tiny little room upstairs in a pub. Back to the good old days. Quite a posh place. ery drunk guy at the back of the room shouting out stuff 'teddy bear' and such stuff. He then came up to me at the end after offering me a glass of champagne and said more stuff. 'You're a Four by Two (Jew)' he said 'it's your nose'.

Tue 4th - Watford Jongleurs

Writing this blog bit in the peacefulness of January. December became a blur... but I do remember having a month of pretty much unbelievably calm gigs. Watford in particular was marvelous.

Wed 5th - Watford Jongleurs

Marvelous.

Thurs 6th - Watford Jongleurs

A bit of a cop out but nevertheless quite marvelous.

Fri 7th - Battersea Jongleurs (but should have been Watford)
Didn't enjoy that phone call. Having as you can read/see a luscious run at Watford for it to be changed to Battersea. I turn up at Battersea to find many groups of rather inebriated revelers. They didn't give a flying fanny fart what was going on on stage. There was one particular table that was particularly wankered. I went on stage slightly panicked but the audience were as smooth as custard. Unbeknown to me the wankered table had been kicked out - hurrah!

Sat 8th - Watford Jongleurs
Back to the good old days - Marvelous.

Mon 10th - Private gig in Chiswick
Ohhhhhh noooooooooo! This was the shit one of the year. Felt even worse because I was doing the gig organised by a very good mate. Just set up so wrong - no audience sitting in the front, but all round the sides... no focus, messy, people coming in and out, I wasn't on the ball too, oooooh shite.

Tue 11th - Chorley Wood
In a pub that was very unsuited for visual comedy. A long thin room... but it somehow worked.

Thu 13th - Southend
My parents were born here - Essex types. Lovely crowd run by a lovely chap, Smashy, and his son spinning the tunes, Smashy junior.

Fri 14th - Southend
Went to see my Nan during the day. She had a spell in hospital - she's 95 you know? Gig was really very fab.

Sat 15th - Ealing, London
Mad but good.

Sat 15th - Chiswick, London
Feisty, mad, but I was so on the ball - socked it to them.

Thur 20th - The Rawhide, Liverpool
Liverpool is a long way. Was feeling a little tired, but these gigs were truly fantastic. The Rawhide has moved back to where it originally was, in a small bar downstairs, and the atmosphere and set up is nigh on perfect.

Fri 21st - The Rawhide, Liverpool
A wonderful way to finish of the gigging year.

Sat 22nd - The Rawhide, Liverpool.
Ready for the year of city of culture.

November 2007 - Digest

N.B. This is my gig blog - click here when you've finished reading to go back to my main website.

Thu 1st - Hornchurch

Really good gig, but a strange room - in the foyer of the theatre, its like playing to two different rooms...friendly staff - kept bringing me cups of tea, and a Lemsip - had a bit of a sniffle.

Fri 2nd - Windsor Arts Centre

Tiny room...front row was taken up by nine very attractive women - well done for Windsor.

Sun 4th - Warwick Uni

Very sweet audience that stared at me - I signed a guy's T-Shirt.

Sat 10th - Raynes Park

Tried out a magic trick where an audience member just thinks of a card, and I produce the chosen card from my wallet. He chose the 9 of spades I produced the 10 of spades. Wrong by one. Damn.

Thu 15th - Chelmsford

I was being filmed for a new concept media idea of putting comedy in pubs, without the 'live' comedians. Was on first so the audience was warming. I'm sure we can slide the laugh volume up in the edit. Tried my magic trick out again and got it spot on.

Fri 16th - Walton-on-Thames

Very, very enjoyable room to play. The sound guy was a good bloke. He had to move the PA system around just before opening. He still mucked up one sound cue, but hey...

Fri 16th - Reading

Rushed from Walton to Reading. Got there just in time to be funny. I was funny.

Sat 17th - The Bearcat St Margarets

My friend Kim came to see me. The audience were good but I felt a bit sticky. I did well, just felt a little sticky.

Thu 22nd - Leeds Jongleurs

Lovely, although it took me 6 and a half hours to get there.

Fri 23rd - Leeds Jongleurs

Staying at my brother's. Took me 10 minutes to get there. Lovely.

Sat 24th - Leeds Jongleurs Early Show

Audience was a bit unfocused. Not so lovely.

Sat 24th - The Hi Fi Leeds

Gig came in at the last minute. Ran there, set up, was packed solid, twenty blokey booze hounds had already been thrown out, lots of people standing, craning their necks, was a grand gig, very enjoyable.

Sat 24th - Leeds Jongleurs Late Show

Ran back to Jongleurs for what could have been a rowdy late show but they were better than the early show. Three shows, pretty knackered. Went back to my brother's and my twin brother was there too. We sat up all night and brothered.

Sun 25th - Leeds Jongleurs

Usually a quieter gig, with less people in the audience, but was sold out with a student Christmas party. They were young and some were wearing hats. A bit fractured but fun.

Thu 29th - Cardiff Glee

A joy.

Fri 30th - Cardiff Glee

Another joy.